This is a free lesson for teaching healthy boundaries to people with intellectual and developmental disabilities (I/DD). It covers four types of relationships and how we touch and talk in each one. Educators, support professionals, parents, and self-advocates can use it in everyday teaching. A free printable handout is included.
How Do You Teach Healthy Boundaries to People with I/DD?
Teach the four types of relationships: close family and friends, casual friends and acquaintances, helping professionals, and strangers. For each type, talk about how we touch and what topics we talk about. This free lesson walks through all four, with short videos, discussion questions, and a printable handout.
The Healthy Boundaries Lesson
Your body is your own, and you get to decide what is okay and what is not okay. These personal rules are called personal boundaries. Each person has different personal boundaries. For example, some people do not like hugging, while others want to hug everyone. Neither way is wrong; these boundaries are just different. Since people have different boundaries, it is important for you to know what yours are so you can tell others if they have crossed them.
Also, being aware that others have boundaries different from yours helps you to pay attention and accept others’ boundaries. It helps you make sure you do not cross them and, if you do, apologize for crossing them.
It is also good to know what general rules there are in your town. This is done by identifying the different types of relationships, ways to touch, and topics to discuss in those relationships. Just knowing these general rules helps us avoid crossing others’ boundaries and being crossed ourselves.
The Four Types of Relationships
1. Close Family and Friends
These are people we are very close to. We trust them; we have known them for a long time. We feel safe and comfortable with them.
How do we touch this group of people? Since we are so close and comfortable with them, this is the group of people we hug. Not every time we see them, but especially if we have not seen them in a long time.
What topics do we talk about with this group of people? We can talk about personal and private topics as long as we are in a private place where others cannot hear us. Private topics are our bodies and body parts, and sexual acts.
Show Video
And ask:
What kind of relationship is this?
How do you know?
How did they touch each other?
What did they talk about?
How much time did they spend together? More or less than the other relationships?
2. Casual Friends, Acquaintances, Groups
These are people we are comfortable with, but do not know as well as close family and friends. These are people we work with, go to school with, or are in a group with.
How do we touch this group of people? With this group, we high-five, fist-bump, or shake hands.
What topics do we talk about with this group of people? We talk about public topics like the weather, sports, andmovies. These topics can be discussed with this group and in public.
Show Video:
And ask:
What kind of relationship is this?
How do you know?
How did they touch each other?
What did they talk about?
How much time did they spend together? More or less than the other relationships?
3. Helping Professionals
These are people we are comfortable with but do not know, as well as close family and friends. These are people who help us, like doctors, nurses, and support staff. With this group, we high-five, fist-bump, or shake hands.
How do we touch this group of people? With this group, we high-five, fist-bump, or shake hands.
What topics do we talk about with this group of people? Most of the time, we only talk about public topics with this group unless you are seeing a doctor or nurse about private things like your body and sexual acts. You would talk about these topics in private, in the exam room with the door closed.
Show Video
And ask:
What kind of relationship is this?
How do you know?
How did they touch each other?
What did they talk about?
How much time did they spend together? More or less than the other relationships?
4. Strangers
These are people whom we do not know at all. We may see them in a store or walking down the street. We do not have to be afraid of them, but we would not touch them or talk about private topics with them.
How do we touch this group of people? We do not interact with this group, but sometimes we nod to them or say hello. Then, we move along. It is a fast interaction.
What topics do we talk about with this group of people? We may talk about public topics, but not private topics. In general, we may ask strangers one question and then move on.
Show Video:
What kind of relationship is this?
How do you know?
How did they touch each other?
What did they talk about?
How much time did they spend together? More or less than the other relationships?
Now, even though there are general rules, you still get to decide what is right for you. It is your body, and you do not have to touch anyone or talk about anything if you do not want to. If someone says, “Can I have a hug?” and you do not want to, it is okay to speak up and say, “I do not want to hug, but I would give you a high-five,” or “I do not want to hug, but I would like to say ‘goodbye’ to you.”
You can also show Consent for Kids (a video geared toward kids). It has good information for ALL OF US! Remember, it is your body, and you get to decide what is right for you!
Katherine McLaughlin, M.Ed., AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator, is the Founder, CEO, and Lead Trainer for Elevatus Training. She has been a sexuality educator and trainer for over 30 years. As a national expert on sexuality and intellectual and developmental disabilities, she trains professionals and parents, as well as people with I/DD, to become sexual self-advocates and peer sexuality educators.
