Online Workshop: Supporting Break-Ups, Rejection, and Heartbreak

Workshop Summary

Heartbreak is a real loss. People with intellectual and developmental disabilities feel it as deeply as anyone else. They deserve real support to get through it, and the skills to try again.

Note: This is a pre-recorded, 90-minute workshop. Instant access upon purchase. Includes the workshop slides and three downloadable resource lists.

Why This Workshop Exists

Break-ups and rejection keep coming up in sexuality education classes. They come up in one-on-one support, too. So Katherine McLaughlin built a workshop around them.

When she asked professionals what they see after a breakup or a “no,” the answers were strikingly similar. All-or-nothing thinking, like “I will never date again.” Replaying the exact words the other person used. Asking again and again. Shutting down completely.

For some people, the pain becomes serious enough to need a counselor. At the same time, people with I/DD are often denied the space to grieve. A break-up gets brushed off as a crush. Or the focus goes straight to behavior, and the loss underneath gets missed.

“Our job isn’t to protect from heartbreak, it’s to teach them ways to manage that heartbreak and disappointment, just like we all have to learn how to do that.”

— Katherine McLaughlin, workshop presenter

Tools You Can Use Right Away

This workshop is practical. You leave with simple tools you can teach the next day.

The Hand and the Glove

Every hand is different. Every glove is different. Some fit together, and some do not. That does not mean anything is wrong with the hand. Katherine uses this image to shift the story from “they rejected me” to “we were not a good fit.”

“There is nothing wrong with either the glove or the hand. It’s just not a good fit.” — Katherine McLaughlin, workshop presenter

The Two-No Rule

You can ask someone to do something. If they say no, you can ask for something different. If they say no a second time, you stop and move on.

The Two-Message Rule

If a text gets no reply, wait until the next day. Then send one more. If there is still no reply, you move on. Two messages means two, across every app.

A Script for Getting a No

• Say “I feel disappointed.”
• Take three breaths.
• Say “Okay, thanks for telling me.”
• Do something that helps you feel better. Talk about it later with someone you trust.

Clear and Kind

The workshop also covers the other side: saying no, setting a limit, and ending a relationship. Many people with I/DD feel they have to be nice all the time. The other person can read that as encouragement.

Clear and kind sounds like this: “No, thank you. I do not want to date. I like you as a friend, not as a partner.”

For self-advocates, the message is simple. You are allowed to say no. Your no can be kind. The other person may still feel sad. That does not mean you did anything wrong.

Real Questions From the Field

The live session was built around questions professionals bring to their work every day. The recording includes Katherine’s answers to questions like these.

• What do you say when someone believes a celebrity or online streamer is their partner?
• What if the person you support says no, but the other person keeps texting?
• How do you respond when a guardian says, “Not under my roof,” to two adults who both want to be together?

The workshop closes with scenarios you can use in your own groups. Alex asks someone out and hears no. Chris overhears friends making plans and is not invited. Casey sends a text and gets no reply. Morgan has said no, and the person keeps asking. Peyton is being pushed to do something that does not feel right.

A Note on the Curriculum Connection

In this workshop, Katherine refers to activities from the Elevatus curriculum, including the name tag game for practicing consent and the choose-your-own-adventure relationship scenarios. The tools in this workshop work on their own, with any curriculum. If you already use the Elevatus curriculum, they fit right alongside it. Learn more about the curriculum here.

Who This Workshop Is For

This workshop is for anyone who supports people with intellectual and developmental disabilities through relationships. That includes sexuality educators, direct support professionals, teachers, clinicians, case managers, and residential staff.

It is also helpful for parents and family members. Self-advocates will find tools and language they can use in their own relationships.

What You Will Learn

By the end of this workshop, you will be able to:

Understand break-ups and rejection as real losses that deserve support, not avoidance or punishment

Recognize how grief and heartbreak may look different in people with I/DD

Respond to intense feelings without minimizing them, rushing “closure,” or discouraging future relationships

Teach people how to accept a no, and how to give one clearly and kindly

Set appropriate boundaries while honoring feelings, autonomy, and dignity

Recognize when someone needs more support, such as a counselor

Support healing, resilience, and readiness for future relationships

Workshop Presenters

Katherine McLaughlin, M.Ed., AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator, is the Founder, CEO, and Lead Trainer for Elevatus Training. She has been a sexuality educator and trainer for over 30 years. As a national expert on sexuality and intellectual and developmental disabilities, she trains professionals and parents, as well as people with I/DD, to become sexual self-advocates and peer sexuality educators.⁠