Teaching about healthy relationships and sexuality can be deeply rewarding — and unexpectedly messy. A room goes quiet, a participant says something surprising, a parent feels uneasy, or a lesson lands harder than expected. This guide offers practical, compassionate strategies for educators and trainers who want to stay grounded when the lesson takes an unexpected turn.
Teaching — especially about healthy relationships and sexuality — does not always go as planned. Unexpected moments can leave educators feeling uncomfortable, uncertain, or off balance.
Even with a strong plan, the room can shift in an instant. A participant may shut down. A caregiver may worry. Someone may say something awkward, inaccurate, or deeply revealing. A moment may arrive that feels too big, too sensitive, or too uncomfortable to handle neatly.
That is not a sign that the lesson has gone wrong. It is a sign that you are teaching something important. Curveballs happen when the topic matters, when people care, and when the conversation touches real life. The goal is not to prevent every surprise. The goal is to respond with calm, clarity, and confidence.
I spoke with seven sexuality educators about the curveballs they face and how they respond. Below are the situations that came up most often, along with practical strategies.
What are the Most Common Curveballs When Teaching?
silence from the group
rigid or stereotypical beliefs
caregiver anxiety or concern
a participant leaving the room
a colleague looking visibly uncomfortable
harmful assumptions about disability and sexuality
your own discomfort or embarrassment
uncertainty about what to say next
Why Curveballs Happen
Teaching sexuality education and healthy relationships often brings out strong feelings, different values, and a wide range of comfort levels. That is especially true when the conversation includes disability, autonomy, consent, safety, and identity.
These moments are normal. They show the content is important and real, not that it is too hard.
What to do When the Moment Gets Unexpected
When a curveball shows up, the first move is usually the simplest one: pause. A pause gives you time to think before responding. It also gives the room a chance to settle. You do not need to rush to fill every silence.
Here are a few ways to respond in the moment:
1. Silence From the Group
Why it happens:
Participants may feel anxious, unsure, or shy
Some groups are naturally quiet
Strategies you can use:
Break into smaller groups with a spokesperson
Go around the room and have everyone respond briefly
Accept that some groups are quiet and evaluate their learning afterward
Ask participants to rate their comfort/competence before and after the session
Bonus Tip: Small shifts in participation are still progress.
2. Stereotypical Values
Example: “Women should stay home and clean; men should be doctors.”
Strategies you can use:
Acknowledge both traditional and newer ways of thinking
Discuss how rigid thinking can limit opportunities or hurt others
Share facts that expand perspectives (e.g., “Over half of medical students today are women”)
Pause and reflect on why you feel discomfort before responding
Bonus Tip: Respond thoughtfully, then reflect afterward.
3. Parents’ Anxiety or Participants Leaving
Challenge: Parents may feel anxious, or participants may leave the session.
Strategies you can use:
Meet parents ahead of time to build trust (info nights, focus groups)
Validate their concerns even if you do not fully agree
If participants leave, stay curious:
What caused them to leave?
Can you gather feedback?
How can you adjust next time?
Bonus Tip: Reframe as a teaching moment about consent: “You get to decide what you are comfortable with.”
4. Beliefs About Disability and Sexuality
Challenge: Some colleagues or parents may not see people with disabilities as sexual or autonomous.
Strategies you can use:
Meet them where they are while gently expanding their perspective
Explain the risks of withholding sexuality education
Teach self-determination early so individuals can practice decision-making
Emphasize knowledge = power; ignorance = risk
Bonus Tip: Early teaching of choice-making builds skills for adulthood.
5. Handling Personal Triggers or Discomfort
Challenge: Educators sometimes feel embarrassed, triggered, or unsure how much to cover.
Strategies you can use:
Pause and reflect before responding
Focus on doing your best in the moment
Reflect afterward: What went well? What could improve next time?
Bonus Tip: Respond, do not react. Each curveball is a learning opportunity.
Additional Strategies that Can Help
Strong teaching is not about having a perfect script. It is about having a few reliable habits you can return to when things get bumpy.
1. Lead with Calm
Your tone matters. When you stay steady, the room often steadies with you.
2. Use Clear, Respectful Language
Simple language helps people stay with you. Avoid over-explaining when a direct answer will do.
3. Keep the Focus on the Learning Goal
When the conversation drifts, bring it back to the point: safety, respect, understanding, and self-determination.
4. Invite Participation in Different Ways
Not everyone will speak up in a large group. Use written responses, paired discussions, or small-group reflection to give more people a way in.
5. Normalize Questions
People learn better when they feel safe asking questions. A curious classroom is often a stronger classroom.
6. Know When to Pause and Revisit
Not every question needs an immediate answer. Some topics deserve a follow-up, a later discussion, or a more detailed resource.
After the Curveball: Reflect and Reset
The moment passes. The learning does not stop there. After a surprising class or difficult exchange, take a few minutes to reflect:
What happened?
What was the actual concern?
What response worked?
What would I do differently next time?
What support might the group need going forward?
This kind of reflection turns a stressful moment into a moment of professional growth. It also helps you notice what is working. Maybe one participant stayed engaged after all. A caregiver may have asked a better question later. A quiet room became more open once you changed the format. Those are signs of progress.
Why this Work Matters
People with disabilities deserve honest information, respectful teaching, and space to ask real questions. They deserve education that supports safety, agency, and healthy relationships. That is why this work matters so much. It is not just about delivering information. It is about creating conditions where people can learn, think, choose, and grow with dignity.
Curveballs will happen. Your response can either shut the door or keep it open. A calm, respectful response keeps the conversation open for honest dialogue.
Keep Going
You will not handle every moment perfectly. No educator does. But if you stay grounded, keep the bigger goal in view, and respond with care, you will do more than survive the curveballs. You will teach in a way that builds trust, confidence, and real learning.
That is the work. And it is worth doing well.
Key Takeaways
Curveballs are normal and happen to all educators
Small shifts in learning and comfort are successes
Reflection is essential: it turns challenges into growth
Stay present, stay curious, and keep learning alongside your participants
Remember: “Here comes another curveball. I’ll do the best I can, reflect afterward, and learn for next time.”
Katherine McLaughlin, M.Ed., AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator, is the Founder, CEO, and Lead Trainer for Elevatus Training. She has been a sexuality educator and trainer for over 30 years. As a national expert on sexuality and intellectual and developmental disabilities, she trains professionals and parents, as well as people with I/DD, to become sexual self-advocates and peer sexuality educators.
