By the end of this article, you will understand why self-confidence is important for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities and learn practical ways to help build it.
Self-confidence is the foundation of every healthy relationship. It shapes how we see ourselves, how we treat others, and how we allow others to treat us. Without it, even the best communication skills fall flat, because skills alone cannot fill the gap left by self-doubt.
This is especially important for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities, who often navigate a world that underestimates them. When the people and systems around you consistently send the message that you are less capable, less worthy, or less deserving, it takes a toll. Believing in yourself becomes an act of resistance — and a skill worth building deliberately.
Before we think about skills for having healthy conversations, we need to think about how we feel about ourselves. If we do not have self-confidence in ourselves as friends or partners, all the skills in the world will not help.
What Is Self-Confidence?
Self-confidence means believing you can do things, make choices, and handle challenges. It is connected to self-esteem, which means how much you value yourself and how you feel about who you are.
Self-confidence also affects how we feel as friends or romantic partners. When you believe in yourself, you are more likely to build healthy relationships.
Healthy relationship beliefs include:
I deserve healthy relationships.
I deserve respect and kindness.
I would make a great friend or partner.
When you feel confident, you are more likely to try new things, speak up for yourself, set boundaries, and choose relationships that feel safe and supportive.
Why Self-Confidence Can Be a Challenge for People with I/DD
People with intellectual and developmental disabilities sometimes receive negative messages from society. These messages can lead to internalized ableism, which means believing unfair or untrue ideas about yourself because of your disability. These thoughts can hurt your confidence.
The good news is that confidence can grow.
Building confidence takes time and practice. When you believe in yourself, you are more likely to build healthy relationships, make safe choices, and live the life you want.
Building Your Self-Confidence: A Tool for People with I/DD and Their Supporters
If you are a person with an intellectual or developmental disability:
Use the free worksheet below to learn about and grow your self-confidence, which means believing in yourself and knowing your value. You will think about how you feel, set goals to feel more confident, try positive habits, and see how you are doing after three months.
If you are a supporter:
You can help in the following ways:
Share the tool below with the person you support.
If needed, read the questions aloud and give examples.
Let the person choose their own answers and guide the conversation.
Katherine McLaughlin, M.Ed., AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator, is the Founder, CEO, and Lead Trainer for Elevatus Training. She has been a sexuality educator and trainer for over 30 years. As a national expert on sexuality and intellectual and developmental disabilities, she trains professionals and parents, as well as people with I/DD, to become sexual self-advocates and peer sexuality educators.
