Topics

Many Autistic people want to find a sexual/romantic partner, just like many neurotypicals. Our needs are the same as everyone else’s, including the need for love and belonging. People who are in loving, committed relationships tend to live happier and longer lives, on average, and everyone deserves a chance for this kind of happiness. For autistic people, this can come with some challenges.

As a sexuality educator, I teach people how to say no, but it is also my job to teach people how to say yes. To be able to say yes to what they want and no to what they do not. 

Focusing on teaching people to say no almost implies that saying no is more important than saying yes. I want to be sure everyone knows what they want to say yes to and no to and have the skills to carry out their decisions.

While presenting sexuality education training, these questions often surface when discussing sexual orientation. Many ask, “Is asexuality really a thing?” “Isn’t it more a symptom of a larger problem?”

People with I/DD are more likely to be arrested, convicted, sentenced to prison, and then victimized in prison. Once in the criminal justice system, these individuals are less likely to receive probation or parole and tend to serve longer sentences due to an inability to understand or adapt to prison rules. Although we do not have specific data on the numbers of sexual crimes, you may know of cases or stories where someone with I/DD texts a sexual photo to someone, exposes themselves, downloads child pornography, follows someone around the mall, or does not get consent for sexual activity. Let us explore why this is happening.

I remember the day Karen Topper, Executive Director of Green Mountain Self Advocates, asked, “Can we create a sexuality education curriculum where people with developmental disabilities are teachers and are actively involved in creating this educational tool?” This startling statement pushed my thinking. My usual thoughts were that I and other professionals would create a curriculum, and we would be the teachers, not people with disabilities. And then, I started to imagine, and now, I ask you to imagine…

Respond, don’t react is a great strategy for dealing with anything unexpected …even pornography.

I remember having a conversation with my son about pornography when he was 17 years old. I was on our family computer and found porn. Upon seeing those images, all I could think was, does he think all partners want this? After gathering myself to have a conversation with him, I wanted to convey that many partners don’t want what you saw and to ask before doing anything with a partner.

Like it or not, agree with its availability or not, pornography has become the “go to” place for sexuality education and is here to stay.

This generation is known for using the internet to learn about a topic, particularly “how to” YouTube clips such as, how do I change my password on my phone? And how do I back up my data? For questions about sex, many are turning to internet pornography for answers as well.

“I was in the mainstream health class in high school, learning about health with students without disabilities. When the sexuality unit started, they removed me from class.” – Anonymous Self-Advocate –

I remember the shock I felt when a self-advocate told me this story. What a strong message to send to someone with a disability. My first thought was: it is okay to learn about physical activity and nutrition, but as soon as the sexuality unit starts, we take you out of class and indirectly tell you that you don’t need that kind of information. My second thought was, had I been transported back in a time machine, and it was actually the 1940s?

Download this free document.