By the end of this article, you will have simple, practical tools to help people with intellectual and developmental disabilities start, continue, and end conversations with greater confidence.
Making Connections: Simple Skills for Starting Conversations
In the past, we talked about self-confidence and how feeling good about yourself can help when building friendships and relationships.
One way to meet new people and build relationships is through conversation. Talking with others helps us learn about people, share our interests, and feel more connected.
Many people find it helpful to think about conversations in three parts:
Starting a Conversation – the beginning
Continuing a Conversation – the middle
Ending a Conversation – the end
Everyone has their own way of talking with others. Some people like having ideas or tools that can help them start conversations. Other people prefer to start talking. There is no one “right way” to talk with others.
The goal is to find what works for you.
Starting a Conversation
Starting a conversation can feel tricky. Here are some simple ideas:
Comment on something you both can see: “The weather is nice today, isn’t it?”
Ask a question about the other person: “What did you do this weekend?”
Give a compliment: “I like your shirt.”
Talk about something you have in common: “I saw you at the group last week…”
Continuing a Conversation
Once the conversation has started, you can keep it going by:
Asking follow-up questions: “What was your favorite part?”
Sharing a little about yourself: “That reminds me of when I…”
Showing interest: “That sounds fun!” or “Tell me more about that.”
Ending a Conversation
It’s also important to know how to end a conversation politely. You can say things like:
“It was nice talking with you.”
“I have to go now, but I’ll see you next time.”
“Thanks for chatting with me.”
For People with I/DD
Use this worksheet (PDF) to think about what you already know, what you already do well, and what you might want to try. You are the expert on your own communication style.
For Supporters and Educators
You can support the person by:
Going through the worksheet together
Role-playing different conversation scenarios
Practicing in real-life settings with gentle feedback
This worksheet helps individuals reflect on their current conversation skills and identify areas they’d like to practice.
Why This Matters
Good conversation skills help people with I/DD build friendships, romantic relationships, participate more fully in their communities, and feel more confident in social situations. Small, practical tips can make a big difference over time.
Katherine McLaughlin, M.Ed., AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator, is the Founder, CEO, and Lead Trainer for Elevatus Training. She has been a sexuality educator and trainer for over 30 years. As a national expert on sexuality and intellectual and developmental disabilities, she trains professionals and parents, as well as people with I/DD, to become sexual self-advocates and peer sexuality educators.
