Summary
Some people with intellectual and developmental disabilities (I/DD) use AI for conversation and companionship, especially when making friends is hard. AI can offer comfort, conversation, and a place to practice, but it can also give wrong information, invite oversharing, or become someone’s only relationship. The goal is to help people use AI as a bridge to human connection, not a replacement for it.
Why would someone choose an AI companion?
Think about what it is like to try to make a new friend.
- First, a person has to find someone.
- Then they have to figure out what to say.
- They may wonder if the other person likes them, or worry about saying the wrong thing.
- Some have been rejected before.
For some people with intellectual and developmental disabilities (I/DD), making friends can be especially difficult. Research suggests that close to half of people with I/DD experience loneliness.
They may have fewer opportunities to meet people outside of family, staff, school, or work. They may have experienced bullying or rejection. Many want relationships, but have few places where relationships can naturally develop.
AI can seem much easier. An AI companion is available any time someone wants to talk. There is no need to worry about interrupting it or about it finding them boring. A person can ask the same question five times. They can practice a conversation, or talk about something that interests them.
And the AI responds. For someone who has been feeling lonely, that can be meaningful.
AI can be helpful, but it is not a human friend
One of the first things we need to teach is something very simple.
An AI can talk with you, but it is not a person. AI can sound incredibly human. It can remember things within a conversation, ask questions, and tell jokes. It can even say, “I am sorry you are feeling that way.”
But AI does not have feelings in the same way people do. It does not have a life outside of the conversation. It does not need someone the way a friend might. And it cannot provide the mutual relationship that comes from two people knowing, caring about, and supporting each other.
That does not mean the conversation has no value. It means we need to understand what kind of connection it is.
An AI conversation might help someone feel less alone in a particular moment. It might help someone practice talking about their feelings. It might give someone something to think about or talk about.
But we do not want AI to become the only relationship someone has.
What are some benefits of using an AI companion?
There are good reasons someone with I/DD might use AI for companionship.
AI can provide conversation
Someone can talk about their favorite music, a television show, their job, their hobbies, or what happened during their day.
AI can help someone practice
Maybe someone wants to practice asking another person on a date. They could practice with AI first.
AI can help someone express feelings
Sometimes it is easier to tell an AI, “I am really angry at my friend,” than to tell another person. That conversation could become a first step toward talking to a trusted person.
AI can be available when other people are not
Friends have jobs. Families sleep. Staff have schedules. AI does not have the same limitations.
For someone who is lonely, having something to do and someone, or something, to talk with can make a difficult evening feel a little less lonely.
What are some potential pitfalls to watch for with AI companions?
AI can make mistakes, yet still sound confident about it
AI does not always get it right. It can give incorrect information, misunderstand a situation, or give advice that is not appropriate. It may sound very confident even when it is wrong. A good rule is: AI can help you think about something, but it should not be the only source of important information.
AI can reinforce an incorrect or harmful belief
Imagine someone tells an AI, “My friend did not text me back because she hates me.” The AI might simply agree, or worse, find reasons to validate the hurtful idea. Instead, we want to help that person consider other possibilities. Maybe the friend was working. Maybe her phone was off. Maybe she forgot. Maybe she is upset about something else.
AI can invite oversharing
People may share too much personal information. AI can feel private, making it easy to share things they would not tell someone else. People should be careful about sharing any of the following:
- their full name and address
- passwords
- banking information
- Social Security numbers
- private medical information
- photos they would not want others to see
An AI companion can become too important
- What happens if someone starts spending most of their free time talking to an AI companion?
- What if they stop going out because talking to the AI is easier?
- What if they stop trying to make friends because the AI never rejects them?
AI should ideally be one part of someone’s social world, not their entire social world.
What about romance with an AI companion?
People may use AI to explore romantic feelings, practice dating conversations, or even create an AI “boyfriend” or “girlfriend.”
Again, we should not automatically shame or forbid this. People with I/DD have romantic feelings. They want to date. They want companionship. They want to feel loved and wanted. Those desires are completely human.
But it is important to help someone understand the difference between practicing a romantic conversation with AI and having a real romantic relationship.
An AI cannot consent to a relationship. It cannot be a romantic partner in the same way a person can. And it should never become a reason for someone to give up on the possibility of real relationships.
So, is AI a solution to loneliness?
Maybe, but only as one piece of the puzzle.
I would not tell someone who is lonely, “Do not talk to AI. Go make a real friend.” That sounds good in theory, but it assumes making a friend is easy. It assumes there are welcoming places to go, that the person has not faced years of rejection, and that they know how to start a conversation.
For many people with I/DD, none of that is true. So instead of taking AI away, we can ask a better question:
How can we help someone use AI while also helping them build real human connections?
Maybe AI can be a bridge. Someone could practice introducing themselves using AI before joining a social group. They could practice asking someone to hang out. They could talk through a disagreement with AI and then decide whether they want to talk to their actual friend.
In other words, use AI to prepare for connection, not to replace connection.
How can we help someone use AI safely?
Here are some questions you can talk about together:
Who are the real people in your life?
Make a list. Family members, friends, coworkers, neighbors, classmates, club members, or other people they see regularly.
What do you like to do with other people?
Maybe it is gaming, cooking, going to concerts, watching sports, exercising, volunteering, or talking about a favorite television show.
Can AI help you connect with people who share those interests?
Use it to brainstorm, not to live your social life for you.
What information should stay private?
Practice identifying information that is okay to share and information that should remain private.
What should you do if AI gives you advice that does not feel right?
Talk with a trusted person. Look for another reliable source. Ask questions.
Is AI adding to your life, or replacing other things?
If someone is still spending time with friends, going to work, participating in activities, and pursuing interests, AI may simply be one additional way they communicate and entertain themselves. If AI is replacing almost everything else, it may be time to step back and look at what is happening.
We do not have to choose between AI and people
This may be the most important message.
We do not have to say, “AI is bad. Do not use it.”
And we do not have to say, “AI can solve loneliness.”
There is another option.
We can acknowledge that AI companionship may provide comfort, conversation, practice, and connection for someone who is lonely.
And at the same time, we can keep working toward something bigger: more opportunities for people with I/DD to meet other people, make friends, develop romantic relationships, participate in their communities, and belong.
People need people. But if AI can help someone feel a little less alone today, or give them the confidence to take a step toward another person tomorrow, then maybe it has a place.
The goal is not to replace human connection. The goal is to use every tool we have to help people find more of it.
Learn more about AI companionship for people with I/DD
Want to go deeper on AI, loneliness, and connection? Join Katherine McLaughlin live for AI, Connection, and Companionship: Supporting People with Intellectual and Developmental Disabilities in a Changing Digital World on Wednesday, January 20, 2027, from 3:00 to 4:30 pm Eastern, on Zoom.
Katherine will cover the benefits and risks of AI companionship, privacy, misinformation, emotional dependence, romantic AI relationships, and signs that AI use may be becoming a problem. You will also learn ways to help people use AI as a bridge to human connection, with time for your questions.
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By Katherine McLaughlin
Katherine McLaughlin, M.Ed., AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator, is the Founder, CEO, and Lead Trainer for Elevatus Training. She has been a sexuality educator and trainer for over 30 years. As a national expert on sexuality and intellectual and developmental disabilities, she trains professionals and parents, as well as people with I/DD, to become sexual self-advocates and peer sexuality educators.